Blue Christmas - I like blue

A lot has happened recently. I spent Christmas with no other celebration other than meeting baby Jesus in person during Eucharist. It was enough. Thank God for giving me and our family the real meaning of Christmas. 2000 years ago, when Mary and Joseph went around to search for an inn, they were in great fear, anxieties, and disappointments. And those were exactly what I felt this Xmas. My father was hospitalized, he was in a very bad condition due to his heart problem. That's I called this Christmas as a Blue Christmas.

But I like blue. So it doesn't mean that this year Christmas is bad. I love it. I found the true meaning of Christmas. Jesus, who come to become like us, human, in flesh clears all our fear, anxieties, and disappointments. He brings HOPE, hope for all people despite unfavorable condition that we are facing, He is here, with us and for us. The angel said Do not be afraid to the shepherds. And he said that to me and my family as well I guess. Though the condition of my father is still not stable, I know that He will protect and He will show His greatness and power.

I spent 2 nights in hospital with my mom. I saw the most wonderful mom and wife in the world. With her patience, dedication, strength, and faithfulness. It taught me a lot of lessons and I am thankful to God for her. Yes, she was in misery too, she is super exhausted too, mentally and physically, but she never quit. She took of care of my father with love that I've never seen elsewhere before, she took care of us, her children without failure as well. I hope someday I can be someone like her...

I missed reunion session with my 3IPA4 friends. But guess what, they visited my father while he was in emergency. I couldn't see them because at that time I was in home, took some changing clothes for my dad and mom. But I was so touched by their love for me. Thanks God for giving me friends that care... Those I do not expect to care has shown great love and attention towards me...Thanks God for them.

Thanks for any other friends who support me and my family in any ways. I really appreciate that. Please pray for my dad, that's all we need right now. May He get better and may we all can see the miracle of Christmas. Amen.

Christmas Concert

I will watch a concert tomorrow. *excited*

SINGAPORE – The Archdiocesan Liturgical Music Committee is presenting the inaugural concert of the Archdiocesan Combined Youth Choir at the Victoria Concert Hall on Friday Dec 19 at 8.00pm.

The choir is a platform for youth from all parts of the archdiocese to come together and discover their faith through the rich musical heritage of the Catholic Church.

The combined choir at present comprises four youth choirs – St. Francis Xavier Youth Choir (Church of St. Francis Xavier), St. Thomas Aquinas Choir (Church of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary), Christus Laudatur Voce Choir (Church of the Risen Christ), and Genesis II Choir (Church of the Holy Family).

Each choir will be presenting some of its favourite pieces ranging from soulful gospel to inspiring original compositions. The highlight of the concert is the combined choir bringing you that festive cheer with Christmas classics like Joy to the World and O Come All Ye Faithful, accompanied on the concert hallʼs grand organ.

So treat your family to this pre-Christmas performance and join Archbishop Nicholas Chia in supporting these young people in their endeavour to share Christ through the gift of song.

Source : http://www.catholic.org.sg/cn/wordpress/?p=3255

Advent Reflection 2008 - Week3

3rd week of Advent
Isaiah 61:1-2; 10-11, 1 Thes 5:16-24, John 1:6-8, 19-28

This week is about joy. That's why the liturgical colour of this week is PINK. It represents joy and thanksgiving of Isaiah, Mary, and the encouragement from St Paul to Thessalonians, that we should be joyful and give thanks in all circumstances because of Lord Jesus Christ.


It is a special week because I sang Psalm and moreover the Psalm is The Magnificat, prayer of thanksgiving of Mary (Luke 1:46-56). It is such a privilege for me to be given a chance to put myself in Mary's shoes, to reflect her thanksgiving of God's mercy, her trust for God's plan. My favorite line of the Maginificat : From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me, Holy is His Name.


The reflections talk more on loneliness. Everybody has once experienced loneliness. I, too, often feel lonely like no one really wants me and needs my presence. No one really care about me. But, a lot of people out there have better reasons to feel uncared by God; Starvation, poverty, war. In a simple way, a lot of friends around us need a friend, need a listening ear from us. We often say that we simply don't have time to care about others' problems. We already have a lot of problem on our own. Yeah, it's me at least. Sometimes I feel, I even can't solve my own problem, how should I bother to know other people's misery. It will just make my life even worse.

And that's the point. Remember the Gospel that says that everything we do for the least of His people, we do it for Him? (Matthew 25:40). God is present in those who are in need and when we refuse to do something for them, we refuse God. Such a waste of opportunity. It is my biggest regret that in this Advent season, I failed to recognize God in those around me, I failed to do something for God...

It is time for all of us to offer friendship to others joyfully, even in the midst of our own troubles and pains, without being preoccupied if they deserve it and calculating what we can get in return.

Advent Reflection 2008

Last Monday, I went for penitential service in SFA. It was the most beautiful moments for me throughout Advent this year. I was too busy during Sunday mass every week since I play keyboard so I can't really reflect on each week of Advent. But last Monday, I felt that God himself talked to me and gave me a lot of things to reflect and I am gonna share with you. I will quote some here and there from the booklet.

The booklet of Advent Reflection provided for parishioners throughout the island is a very very good one. The title is Being a People of Hope. The preface told us that sometimes planning is important for our lives, but we must also allow God, give room for God, to surprise us. I myself want to surrender and trust God more, to allow God reveal His plan for my life rather than think hard of what I want to become and how I achieve that. Do necessary things I should do with one direction which is to fulfill God's purpose in my life. By being closer to Him each day, I would be able to understand His purpose clearer.

1st week of Advent :
Isaiah 63:16-17;64:2-7; 1Cor 1:3-9; Mark 13:33-37

"We are the clay and you are the potter; we are the work of your hands". As we know, potter don't make a clay in mass production, but one by one. And that's how exactly God made us, unique and moreover, He created us with love. Therefore, we are all precious to Him. I am special, there is no other me everywhere else in the world. We are not only beautiful but also useful, He will help us to bring out the best out of our flaws, if we allow Him to.

During the penitential service, Fr Gitner told us a story about how a tribe in Mexico celebrate Christmas. A woman within the tribe is required to make a stole for the priest to be used in the Christmas Mass. And while making the stole, she should make one mistake when stitching each thread. What is the purpose behind that? It reflects that all of us has a flaw, no one in perfect, and we have something that only we ourselves and God know.

Relevant quotes :
- Pope Benedict XVI Spe Salvi : The power of purification comes from an encounter between my intimateself and God.
- St Augustine : My heart is restless, O Lord, until it finds rest in You.

Lord, help me to always realize that I am special and no matter what, I am loved. You made me beautiful and I want to be useful too for Your Kingdom on earth. Draw me closer to You each day so I may understand my purpose in life. Forgive me for what I have done and what I have failed to do. Holy Spirit, help me to always be faithful. Mother Mary, pray for me. Amen.

2nd week of Advent: Isaiah 40:1-5, 2 Pet 3:8-14, Mark 1:1-8
This week first reading tells us that our hope lies in God's promise of care and deliverance (Is 40:1). God is our shepherd who feed us, gathers us close, holds us and leads us to what we need most. Our pain and suffering take on new meaning because our Emmanuel, God is with us, has experienced human suffering and death. But it doesn't end there, Jesus is raised to life by the power of the Holy Spirit and this it the Good News, our real hope.

The Good News can't be spread to others if we do not take part in God's mission. We must follow John the Baptist, who prepared the way for the Lord and make straight paths for Him (Mark 1:1). Personally, I don't feel too comfortable to talk about my own faith to others. I don't dare to witness God's mercy and love in my life when I talk to people whom I don't know very well, even they

FYP

so, the model is ready.
Gotta find out how to set the initial velocity and figure out the effects on the steel plate and aggregates inside. Wondering why I can't make the colors for each part different. hmmm....

Enough for today.

So, this is the FISH code for PFC2D
new

def setup
;--- input data ---
n_stiff = 1e8 ; normal contact stiffness
s_stiff = 1e8 ; shear contact stiffness
width = 10 ; width of box
height = 5 ; height of box
poros = 0.12 ; porosity
rat = 1.2 ; ratio of largest to smallest radii
;--- derived data ---
mult_0 = 1.5 ; initial radius multiplication factor
mult_a = 0 ; storage for l.h. radius multiplier
mult_b = 0 ; storage for r.h. radius multiplier
id1 = 0 ; storage for initial ID number
id2 = 0 ; storage for final ID number
end

set random

set disk on
setup
wall id 1 ks=s_stiff kn=n_stiff nodes (0,0) (width,0)
wall id 2 ks=s_stiff kn=n_stiff nodes (width,0) (width, height)
wall id 3 ks=s_stiff kn=n_stiff nodes (width, height) (0,height)
wall id 4 ks=s_stiff kn=n_stiff nodes (0,height) (0,0)
wall id 5 ks=s_stiff kn=n_stiff nodes (9,0) (9,height)

def regular
xc=x0
yc=y0
rc=radius
idc=id_start
r2 = 2*radius
yinc=radius*2

loop row (1,n_row)
loop col (1,n_col)
command
ball id = idc x=xc y=yc rad=rc
end_command
idc= idc+1
xc=xc+r2
end_loop
yc=yc+yinc
xc=x0
end_loop
end

def make_block
tot_vol = (x2-x1)*(y2-y1)
num = id2-id1+1
n0 = 1-(1-poros)/mult_0^2
r0 = sqrt (tot_vol*(1-n0)/(pi*num))
rlo = 2 * r0/(1+rat)
rhi = rat*rlo

command
gen id=id1, id2 rad=rlo,rhi x=x1,x2 y=y1,y2
prop dens=1000 ks=s_stiff kn=n_stiff range id=id1,id2
end_command

get_poros
mult = sqrt((1-poros)/(1-pmeas))
end

def get_poros
sum=0
bp=ball_head
loop while bp # null
if b_id(bp) >=id1 then
if b_id(bp) <= id2 then
sum = sum + pi*b_rad(bp)^2
end_if
end_if
bp=b_next(bp)
end_loop
pmeas = 1-sum/tot_vol
end

def final_poros
tot_vol = width*height
id1 = 1
id2 = 1200
get_poros
final_poros= pmeas
end

set x1=0.0 x2=9 y1=0 y2=5 id1=1 id2=50
make_block
set mult_a=mult
ini rad mul=mult_a c_index 0 range id 1,50
cycle 1000
prop fric 0.2
cycle 500

set echo off
set x0=9.1 y0=0.1 radius = 0.1
set id_start=1000 n_col=5 n_row=25
regular
set echo on

set x0=10.05 y0=2.35 radius = 0.05
set id_start=2000 n_col=5 n_row=2
regular
property density 2000 kn 1e8 ks 1e8

del wall 5

plot add ball lgreen lred
plot add wall black
plot show

Mencari tau rencana Tuhan

Selama liburan yang seharusnya saya pakai untuk kerjain FYP ini, saya banyak mikir tentang apa yang saya harus lakukan habis kuliah di NTU ini. Begitu banyak pemikiran personal, obrolan dengan orang2 dekat, doa2 yang saya panjatkan mengenai hal ini.

Sampai hari ini, saya masih belum tau dengan pasti ama yang saya mau. Saya daftar master Erasmus Mundus, berharap bisa diterima dan belajar serta jalan2 di Eropa sana. Mencoba hidup baru yang saya ga pernah bayangkan. Tapi saya sendiri merasa motivasi yang ada di dalam diri saya ga begitu berakar. I mean, yang saya tau, itu prestigious, itu asik karena bisa jalan2, itu priceless karena bisa kenal orang2 baru dan lingkungan baru. Yang saya ga tau, apa saya siap jauh dari keluarga sejauh itu, apa saya siap tinggal di Eropa sana dengan gaya hidup yang berbeda, apakah hubungan saya dengan Tuhan somehow akan terabaikan di sana. Saya ngga tau dan saya takut untuk menjawabnya.

Kalo ditanya kenapa saya ga kerja, saya cuma bisa jawab, mumpung saya masih muda dan ada semangat belajar makanya mau sekolah lagi. Tapi kalo kerja juga ga apa2 sih, I mean, I know I am able to. Tapi entah kenapa, I dun feel like working in Singapore. Saya simply jenuh dan agak enggan buat kerja di Singapore. Saya tau saya sangat comfortable di sini dengan teman2 yang dekat di hati, situasi yang sangat convenient, kehidupan menggereja yang juga lumayan terjaga, tapi entah kenapa dorongan hati saya ga ke situ.

Kalo mau jujur, sebenarnya saya ingin pulang Indonesia. Berkali2 teman2 bilang, betapa sayang, udah kuliah di Singapore kemudian balik ke Indo dan belom jelas mau ngapain. Sebenernya, saya mau pulang Indo kenapa? Saya mau lanjutin les piano yang tertunda, saya mau melakukan hal2 lain kayak les bahasa Jerman, belajar nyetir or anything similar. I mean, beristirahat sejenak dari rutinitas belajar dan mengerjakan engineering stuffs. I know kalo itu berarti agak buang2 waktu dan buang2 biaya. Tapi, dengan di Indo, saya bisa deket keluarga, the best treasure in life. Saya mau spend waktu sampa orang tua di rumah selagi ada kesempatan. Saya juga yakin di Indo, saya bisa tetep bertumbuh dalam Tuhan, Tuhan pasti tunjukkan tempat dimana saya bisa grow and serve. Simply, ini pilihan yang paling menguntungkan. Even saya mau kuliah master, pasti bisa. dengan biaya yang lebih terjangkau tentunya. Saya bisa sambil nge lesin piano ato pelajaran, get paid, use the money wisely.

Tapi again, semakin dipikir semakin saya bingung. Saya tau Tuhan akan bantu saya mengambil keputusan. Saya tau Tuhan pasti sediakan rencana yang terbaik buat saya. Tugas saya, listen to Him. And that is the mos difficult part. Ambisi dan my personal agenda disturb me from listening to His voice..

Saturday, 13 December 2008

I believe in Jesus
as I believe that the sun has risen
not only because I see it
but because by it
I see everything else

- C.S. Lewis

funny stuff

got to share this

http://www.animaltalk.us/for/Animals/what-chefs-do-when-they-are-bored/

interesting, isn't it?

final year project

ada orang bilang, sekali kita sighing (menghela napas), satu blessing lewat mampir. jadi saya ga mau sighing. nanti blessing saya kebawa kabur angin =p

FYP saya simply stuck. sebenernya saya mau salahin diri sendiri, tapi daripada discouraging saya mau salahin keadaan. software yang saya pake itu pake hardlock, dan hardlocknya lagi ditahan di LAB karena mau diganti sama versi baru. jadi saya ga bisa analysis deh. software nya ga mau jalan kalo ga pake lock. bisa modelling sih, tapi saya mikir ngapain juga saya modeling kalo akhirnya harus nunggu itu hardlock buat analyze. jadi saya males2an dulu boleh ga?

GA. jawabannya ya NGGA. saya udah memutuskan stay di singapore buat ngerjain FYP ini. walaupun sup saya udah pulang hari ini *pura2 ga tau hari ini dia balik*, saya harusnya bisa ngerjain something sampe tanggal 21 kan. HAIZ. I did something, but not related to FYP. beresin kamar, jogging, beresin lemari, sapu2, packing2, cari titipan orang rumah, yeah gitu deh...

Rencana hari ini mau rajin, tapi mana?? Janji surga... huffff..... gpp gpp i still have one more week. And I am really homesick now. Pengen majuin tanggal pulang sebenernya. tapi takut kualat. hahaha. AAARRGGGHHH mau nangisssssssss pengen pulangggggggg. somebody hug me please... ><

girls day out

morning...
called my FYP sup, told him I would come, discussed few things with him, headed back to my room, waited till my rommie ready to go

afternoon...
VivoCity, went round and round 3 times, bought some christmas cards for friends, my roomie bought a pair of beautiful shoes

late afternoon...
couldn't help myself form buying a very elegant black clutch, yes a party bag, for ko erwin's wedding and another occasions in the future. I am a young lady, I need to have a clutch, don't I?
I brought a cardigan, because my roomie wanted to buy one and they are $20 for 2. So, we got one each.

I am broke now. But I am happy. LOL. udah lama ga shopping. Lagian, gua butuh wot (excuse paling jitu).

Adios Dhika, have a safe flight and see you next year. Will be missing you ;)

enough for now

like i said
i might want more of you
i might want to be treated more special in a way
i might want to spend more time just with you

but it turns out that i am just another friend
it is okay. as long as you stay with how you are now
it's enough. i am happy enough
though i know i am not the only one, it is okay

it is just a feeling at one moment in time
i know i won't feel this way again tomorrow
it's just the feeling of wanting to be wanted
maybe it's just another time of me being so annoyed with loneliness

i say to myself over and over again
hey, look around and see
many people love you and care about you
you are not alone and you are not lonely

yeap, i know, allow me to spit this just this time
only this time, please.. can I?
i will come back as the usual me tomorrow okay
with big smile and twinkling eyes

Tuesday, 2 December 2008

I guess I never told you properly
how much you mean to me
I missed the time we laughed and told each other's stories
i missed the time when you said yes to whatever invitation I made
I missed the meal we had no matter how expensive it was

I guess I am just missing you too much
It's my fault, i have never been brave enough to start
never mind
as long as you know, you are important to me

another year will go by
we are not the same as we were back then
but the memories I will keep forever
hope you are doing well ;)